Monday, February 26, 2007
so i went to church this weekend...
you know, when i was in spain last summer, i went to church more than a couple’a times. there was the church on top of mt tibidabo where you could see the entire city, and i went to an afternoon mass/vespers service and crashed a wedding on the same day. i went to the monastery at montserrat and sat through the sundown vespers…
funny thing was, even though i am fluent in spanish, i couldn’t understand the service at all! for starters, the church officials talked in catalan, the local dialect. yup. not able to understand one word. and secondly… well, i was there at church all alone. yet, i stayed for the entire service, i sang when they sang, i stood when they stood, i knelt when they knelt, and i read the Bible when they were just talking. since i couldn’t really -be- part of the service.
looking back on that time, it makes me think - what is the point of attending church if you don’t understand the service?
i guess where this comes from is… when i go to church here in the states, it’s not that much different from my experiences in spain. i go there, i sing along with the songs, stand when they stand, sit when they sit, but i’m so disconnected from the sermon. it might just happen to be the churches where i’ve attended. it might just be me and i hadn’t been ready to listen to sermons intently. but even though i wasn’t paying attention to the sermon, GOING to church had always been an important part of my life.
but once i realized the disconnect that was there… i slowly stopped going to church. for me, going to church was always a social event - it was important because it was the time to fellowship with other believers. our family went to church together, my roommates and i went together, and all my friends went to the same church that i did. when all my friends moved away (and they just all happened to go to japanese church with me), i lost the aspect of church that was always so important to me. i thought i could just ask perry to go with me, but he had stopped going to church not long before we started dating. and so i was left to go to church all alone. and since for me, the point of going to church was to fellowship with my church family, and i felt like i had no church family to call my own, i slowly stopped going. every once in a while i’d go and i always left feeling.... hmm… empty? no… it’s more like, i left the service feeling exactly how i did when i went to the churches in spain - i had attended physically, and i had attended alone, but it was mostly a RITUAL of being there. even if i paid attention to the sermon, and even if the sermon was a good one, it still felt like a ritual that -had- to be done and not necessarily something that blessed me and lifted me up and made me feel closer to God.
maybe, just for me, growing in my relationship with God had always involved other people and i don’t know what to do when those other people are not there to guide and/or support me.
and maybe, going to church isn’t that important. especially if it doesn’t bring me closer to God.
and yet, i still missed it. going to church did nothing to make me -feel- closer to God, but -not- going to church left me feeling like i was missing part of my walk. i’m in a lose-lose situation.
and so here i am with a challenge for all you Christians-who-go-to-church-and-read-this-blog. what is the point of attending church at all? i’m not trying to say that there is no point, but i -am- trying to figure out - what is the purpose of going to church?
since i did go to church this weekend, i sat through the service and wrote an entire page full of notes on the sermon, notes to myself on my particular walk with God, and notes from random parts of the Bible that i wanted to challenge my dad with later. but i already know what i’ve written down. and i already know what i’m struggling with. but now? now i would like to know what -you- think.
what is the purpose of going to church?
hot air ballooning for my mommy's 60th birthday
the one request my mom had for her 60th birthday was that she wanted to go hot air ballooning. so our family went to temecula and had alotta fun shooting up in the air in the balloon and skimming the terrain when we were flying low.
right after we landed my brother hopped out with my cell phone and took this picture of us =)
and while i was standing in the basket this is the view of the balloon i had right above me! btw, cell phone cameras rock!
Monday, February 19, 2007
the housewarmings were successful!
thank you everyone who showed up and helped warm my new condo…
and yup, i meant to say housewarmingS. there were two this weekend - saturday night for friends, sunday afternoon for family. i was so glad to have everyone over and i really enjoyed everyone’s company. it was nice having it split up into two groups cuz then i actually got to spend time with each group instead of having to do the hostess bit and missing my own parties.
when i get pictures i’ll try to post ‘em up and share with the internet. until then i will be fixin’ up the place installing all the great presents i got. nope, no dyson and no wii -yet- =), but that’s ok, all the gifts big and small were so thoughtful… and tomorrow’s will be the biggest - picking up a queen size bed i just inherited. lemme just say, my family rocks! they’re the most generous ever! i think pretty much all the furniture in our place has been inherited - that would include the coffee table, dining room table, bar stools, entertainment center, rugs, chaise lounge, and now the bed. i have been blessed with a very generous set of family and friends, and in times like this weekend it is just so evident that these people are an important part of my life.
yay for friends and family!
Thursday, February 15, 2007
erghh... trying to find something to post about
there’s been alot on my mind lately but nothing i’ve wanted to share with the internet. or at least nothing that i can share with the internet without getting in trouble with someone somewhere.
and.... i’m trying to take a turn for the positive.
and.... i currently do -not- have pictures of anything since hawaii because i froze my camera at mammoth. had it in my pocket in 2 degree weather and it wouldn’t work - and when i thawed it out it didn’t work either! ooops! on the positive note (since i just made that mid-year resolution in the last paragraph), i can go pick myself out a fancy new camera! and pay for it… booo… but new camera, yay!
anyways, apparently confidentiality restrictions + trying to be positive + having no camera = no posts for me.
on another note, maybe YOU can post for ME - how do you keep a positive attitude in the midst of a verrrrry stressful situation? i’m currently accepting new ideas!
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
why i don't like "freedom writers"
ok, so i haven’t really seen the movie. and i’ve only browsed through the book. but i still don’t like the movie/book.
wanna know why?
it’s supposed to be inspirational. i think it’s so misleading.
see, the book/movie is about this teacher who threw herself into her work making these students realize what great writers they are and what great potential they have as people. she works insane hours - she runs a writing lab in the afternoon and into the night being there for the students. she basically makes them her life. they learn to be great writers. they publish a book. she inspires many people. yay.
thing is, she quits. yup. movies and books don’t show that. you can’t live a life like that year after year after year inspiring students throwing yourself 200% into your job and NOT expect to burn out. wanna know what she does now? she gets paid big bucks to speak at schools. to inspire the teachers. but all she does is talk about how she taught for a couple of years and all the teachers do is listen thinking “but you quit after a couple of years!” and she got paid around $60k for that one speaking engagement at the district i used to work at. waste of teacher money if you ask those teachers. they shoulda hired a good teacher for a year with that $60k. anyways....
i guess it leaves me wondering… is there a way i can be a fulfilled and inspiring teacher and NOT burn out? how do i do it? i really want to know!
Thursday, February 01, 2007
big bear winterim
i have 17 students up here at big bear all week long. it’s a field trip that they planned and fund raised and earned all last semester.
jealous, right? what kind of job lets me snowboard all week?
well.... it hasn’t been all fun and games, lemme tell you that! on tuesday, a girl landed on a rail with her knee. she couldn’t walk after that, but it was just a really bad bruise and she was over it by the end of the night.
then on wednesday, i’d only done one run and was going for my second when i got a phone call - “kim! matt hurt himself! bad! come down to ski patrol!” when i got there, i found out that he had broken his collarbone. no, not broken. re-broken! apparently he had broken it during the summer, about 5 months ago, and he was just revisiting his old wounds....
so then this morning, while i was still asleep in bed, i heard the students yelling my name… i thought they just wanted me to cook breakfast for them but then i realized it was an emergency when they said my diabetic student had fallen hard.
i ran down the stairs and into the kitchen and found him lying on the floor, his head in a puddle of blood… he seemed on the brink of consciousness and i tried to get him to respond to me, and i was afraid he wasn’t breathing or that he might choke, so then i hoisted him up and propped him up against the cabinet. when i let go he fell towards the ground again, so i had to pick him up again and i propped him up with my legs so that i could open his emergency bag and dig around for the needle so i could get his blood sugar back up. my right hand was all bloody and since i was useless using only my left arm, my other students helped me, they found the glucose tablets and i gave it to him, but he wasn’t even chewing it. they finally found the needle and the glucogen and i was shaking while trying to get it to work, and thank God the paramedics came at that time! they took care of him from there and i rode with the ambulance to the hospital down the street…
i was so relieved when i got back to the cabin to find that the students mostly decided to not go snowboarding. i thought that was a mature decision for most of them because i knew they really really wanted to but they were being cautious and we’ve had injuries each day…
then there were 6 that wanted to go boarding anyways, so i brought them to the mountain. i got the call around 2pm today that yet another student had fallen and hit her chest on the board and was in danger of having broken ribs. i got to the mountain and ski patrol advised x-rays, so back to the ER i went with her this time around.
waiting for yet another hour for yet another student who had gotten yet another injury.
i am SO ready to be home....